focusonthethings

Beefs, Thoughts

Change What You Can, Cope With What You Cannot

No Comments 20 January 2017

This quote is more relevant than ever especially for Americans who are unhappy with Donald Trump officially being sworn in as President today.

I don’t really have an opinion on the whole matter. Why? Because all of the data that is available is from news sources that is really tough to tell their true intentions. Are they being fair in what they are reporting? Are they even accurate or truthful in what they are reporting? With so many people having an agenda, it’s impossible to know what’s right and what’s wrong. All that can be known to be sure is what he does in office and the results of his actions. So many people are speculating and are upset. But all we’re shown or told is whatever the specific news outlet is telling us. And because they have a story to tell, they will only include the information that helps them tell that story.

That being said, I think people should more on what they can control. For example:

  • How they treat their body
  • How they treat others
  • What they do for work
  • What they do for hobbies
  • What they read, watch or listen to
  • Where they go
  • What they wear

Aside from that, an individual doesn’t have the power to influence any decisions that are made in the White House or really on any level of government. Unless that individual is in government or is going to create a movement. Which isn’t 99.9% of individuals. I know one of those people who is the 0.1%. His name is Gian-Carlo Carra. I’ve seen first hand what it takes and have been a part of his mission for seven years. There’s a reason why more people aren’t like him. It takes a certain skillset, a thick skin, an absolute devotion to the cause, a lot of patience and a lot of faith.

So if you are complaining on Facebook or Twitter and what is happening in the USA is in any way impacting the quality of your life, I challenge you to take a look at your abilities, your goals and your efforts. Do you have the ability to change something? If not, stop complaining, stop letting what’s happening negatively impact your life and instead focus on the things that can make your life better.

All the effort you’re spending on being upset, being negative and trying to figure out everything that’s going on, you could spend being a more engaged, more positive, more healthy individual which will ultimately make your country better. One thing I know for sure – what you’re doing right now isn’t making your country any better.

 

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Thoughts, World Issues

The Problem with Pokemon Go

No Comments 04 January 2017

I first started writing this post when Pokemon Go was released in the summer. I saw the immediate impact it had on some friends and how incredibly distracting it was.

As the weeks went by and more and more people got onto the app, the number of articles increased. It became clear that there were a lot of people who believed that Pokemon Go was helping them be more active. However, it takes about 6 months to establish a habit (read The Power of Habit) and so any data after only a few weeks to a few months doesn’t mean much.

There were even some articles claiming specifics such as “Pokemon Go helped me lose XX amount of weight”. However, regardless of the outcome of the app or the impact it had on the users, I knew that it would fade very quickly over time, just like any other video game or app does.

And now, 6 months later, it has.

The problem with spending hours and hours daily on a new video game or app is that eventually it will lose its appeal and people will be looking for the next new thing. As Philip Zimbardo talks about, we have an arousal addiction which is different than say, a drug addiction. A drug addiction is more of the same whereas an arousal addiction is more of something different.

This is having a huge impact on boys especially in health, relationships and education to name a few.

It’s important that we focus on the long term skills, passions and hobbies that will have a positive impact on our lives. If people are claiming that Pokemon Go is helping people lose weight, what happens when that person no longer plays the game 3, 4, 5 months after it’s released? We need to encourage people to get into a sport, into the gym, to take fitness classes or get into a workout routine like P90X at home. Something that will be around for more than a few months.

Encourage kids to play a sport instead of a video game.

Get into singing rather than getting into a new tv series.

Etc….

If we give in to our arousal addictions, we will continue to create a society of mediocrity, a society where we’re ok with people not excelling in a field that adds to the value of the world.

What would have happened if the Wright Brothers got distracted and never invented an airplane? That would have been a tragedy. We can do better. But video game companies, mobile app companies, the porn industry don’t care about us. They just care about the bottom line. Making more money. But at what cost to us?

 

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Family, Thoughts

Becoming a Santa

No Comments 06 December 2016

Found on Facebook. Author unknown.

“In our family, we have a special way of transitioning the kids from receiving from Santa, to becoming a Santa. This way, the Santa construct is not a lie that gets discovered, but an unfolding series of good deeds and Christmas spirit.

When they are 6 or 7, or whenever you see that dawning suspicion that Santa may not be a material being, that means the child is ready.

I take them out “for coffee” at the local wherever. We get a booth, order our drinks, and the following pronouncement is made:
“You sure have grown an awful lot this year. Not only are you taller, but I can see that your heart has grown, too. [ Point out 2-3 examples of empathetic behavior, consideration of people’s feelings, good deeds etc, the kid has done in the past year]. In fact, your heart has grown so much that I think you are ready to become a Santa Claus.

You probably have noticed that most of the Santas you see are people dressed up like him. Some of your friends might have even told you that there is no Santa. A lot of children think that, because they aren’t ready to BE a Santa yet, but YOU ARE.

Tell me the best things about Santa. What does Santa get for all of his trouble? [lead the kid from “cookies” to the good feeling of having done something for someone else]. Well, now YOU are ready to do your first job as a Santa!”

Make sure you maintain the proper conspiratorial tone.

We then have the child choose someone they know – a neighbor, usually. The child’s mission is to secretly, deviously, find out something that the person needs, and then provide it, wrap it, deliver it – and never reveal to the target where it came from. Being a Santa isn’t about getting credit, you see. It’s unselfish giving.
My oldest chose the “witch lady” on the corner. She really was horrible – had a fence around the house and would never let the kids go in and get a stray ball or Frisbee. She’d yell at them to play quieter, etc – a real pill. He noticed when we drove to school that she came out every morning to get her paper in bare feet, so he decided she needed slippers. So then he had to go spy and decide how big her feet were. He hid in the bushes one Saturday, and decided she was a medium. We went to Kmart and bought warm slippers. He wrapped them up, and tagged it “merry Christmas from Santa.” After dinner one evening, he slipped down to her house, and slid the package under her driveway gate. The next morning, we watched her waddle out to get the paper, pick up the present, and go inside. My son was all excited, and couldn’t wait to see what would happen next. The next morning, as we drove off, there she was, out getting her paper – wearing the slippers. He was ecstatic. I had to remind him that NO ONE could ever know what he did, or he wouldn’t be a Santa.

Over the years, he chose a good number of targets, always coming up with a unique present just for them. One year, he polished up his bike, put a new seat on it, and gave it to one of our friend’s daughters. These people were and are very poor. We did ask the dad if it was ok. The look on her face, when she saw the bike on the patio with a big bow on it, was almost as good as the look on my son’s face.

When it came time for Son #2 to join the ranks, my oldest came along, and helped with the induction speech. They are both excellent gifters, by the way, and never felt that they had been lied to – because they were let in on the Secret of Being a Santa.”

arrivalship

Movies, Technology, Thoughts

Must See Movie: Arrival

No Comments 03 December 2016

I hadn’t heard of Arrival until earlier today when my friend asked if I wanted to go see a movie. I quickly checked out the description and it sounded good.

I like not reading reviews or watching trailers before watching a movie. It gives me expectations, knowledge that can take away surprises during the movie and a general idea of where the movie is headed. I like to go in fresh and watch the movie for what it is.

Overall, I really enjoyed Arrival. I found it similar to Interstellar in that it was insightful, inventive and optimistic about time and the future. I like to think that there is more out there than just us on earth. And that we will be capable of doing so much more with technology and possibly even time than we are right now. This movie lends hope to that idea.

But the main message I took away is how important it is that we all work together. No matter what happens with the future, it’s important that nations realize we are all in this together. There is no Ruler of Earth or King of the World. The UN would be the closest thing to it. So I hope that we remain cognizant and when faced with adversity, we come together rather than pulling apart.

Check out the trailer above or just go watch the movie. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

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Thoughts, World Issues

Expanding Your Domain of Control

No Comments 20 May 2016

If you are like most people, then you sweat the small stuff that you cannot control. Small stuff that other people do which may or may not have anything to do with you. But you let it affect your day.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. You can live a life that is more relaxed, more easy going and has less stress.

How?

Work on expanding your domain of control. It’s very simple in theory but hard in practice.

For myself, it’s taken me a while to get to this point but it’s through a combination of dealing with my mom’s death, speaking in front of hundreds of kids, finding my path and pursuing my passion.

When you expand your domain of control, you learn to focus more on what you can control rather than on what you cannot control.

You also learn to realize that a lot of what happens isn’t personal and is someone else’s attempt at controlling you. Your friends. Your family. Your co-workers. Your partner.

When you expand your domain of control, you will find that your stress will immediately be reduced and even when you get into stressful situations, you will be more calm and capable of dealing with things.

For example, if your neighbour’s hedge is 2 inches too high according to the local bylaw, SO? Let it be 2 inches too high.

If someone’s insecurities cause them to make a decision that you don’t like, SO? Move on. It’s their issue to deal with.

When someone in government does something stupid, SO? Everyone makes mistakes, tries to get attention and ultimately is a person just like anyone else. Just because they are an elected official, why focus on the small details? Let what they do or don’t do go.

I’m not saying have a more apathetic life. I’m simply saying to realize when something happens that you cannot control.

It can be summed up in this simple quote:

“You must control what you can; cope with what you cannot.”

Each person is different. The larger your domain of control, the more impact you’ll have on the world and the less you’ll care about what is happening locally. The smaller your domain of control, the less impact you’ll have globally and the more you’ll care about what is happening locally.

I’ve learned that I would rather have less of an impact on a larger number of people than have more of an impact on a smaller number of people. So I see my domain of control being much larger than most people. Which means that I tend to care less about what is happening locally and not be as involved on a local level because I am more focused on having a global impact.

So I challenge you to look at your domain of control. Should you expand or contract it? No matter what you decide, make sure that you are living within that. Because I think problems arise when we try to leave our domain or don’t realize what belongs inside that domain.

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Thoughts

Must See Movie: Hector and the Search for Happiness

No Comments 25 October 2015

Disillusioned with the tedium of his existence, psychiatrist Hector (Simon Pegg) confesses to his girlfriend (Rosamund Pike) that he feels he is a fraud for dispensing recommendations to patients who never seem to improve or get any happier. He considers breaking out of his lackluster routine. Summoning up some courage, Hector gives his starved curiosity free rein and embarks on an international quest to find the right formula to bring him joy and vitality.

Throughout his travels, Hector makes notes in a book and they become his lessons. They are:

Lesson 1: Making comparisons can spoil your happiness.
Lesson 2: Happiness often comes when least expected.
Lesson 3: Many people see happiness only in their future.
Lesson 4: Many people think that happiness comes from having more power or more money.
Lesson 5: Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story.
Lesson 6: Happiness is a long walk in the mountains.
Lesson 7: It’s a mistake to think that happiness is the goal.
Lesson 8: Happiness is being with the people you love.
Lesson 8b: Unhappiness is being separated from the people you love.
Lesson 9: Happiness is knowing your family lacks for nothing.
Lesson 10: Happiness is doing a job you love.
Lesson 11: Happiness is having a home and a garden of your own.
Lesson 12: It’s harder to be happy in a country run by bad people.
Lesson 13: Happiness is feeling useful to others.
Lesson 14: Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are.
Lesson 15: Happiness comes when you feel truly alive.
Lesson 16: Happiness is knowing how to celebrate.
Lesson 17: Happiness is caring about the happiness of those you love.
Lesson 18: Happiness could be the freedom to love more than one woman at the same time.
Lesson 19: The sun and the sea make everybody happy.
Lesson 20: Happiness is a certain way of seeing things.
Lesson 21: Rivalry poisons happiness.
Lesson 22: Women care more than men about making others happy.
Lesson 23: Happiness means making sure that those around you are happy

Watch this movie! It’s well worth your time 🙂

DoitAnyway

Misc, Relationships, Thoughts, World Issues

The Paradoxical Commandments

No Comments 08 July 2015

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

diamonddigging

Thoughts

Fail and Fail Often

No Comments 23 December 2014

If you’ve never failed, then you’ve never taken a risk. You’ve never had a dream and put your heart and soul into achieving that dream. The opposite of failure is success. We cannot succeed with failure. We learn from failing. We must fail and fail often in order to have progress.

Failure doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It doesn’t mean that we don’t get a second or third or fourth chance. Obviously failure in some industries or some tasks will have varying results. Failing to make a pizza properly on your first attempt is a safe failure. Failing on your first test flight as a new pilot isn’t a safe failure. But then again, it’s all about what we consider success and by extension what we consider to be failure.

In moments of failure, I like reminding myself how we can learn from it and what it all means by turning to quotes on failing. Enjoy!

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Thomas A. Edison

Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.
John F. Kennedy

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan

Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war.
Donald Trump

A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.
B.F. Skinner

Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes its built on catastrophe.
Sumner Redstone

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Thomas A. Edison

If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.
Woody Allen

Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.
John Wooden

I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.
Robert H. Schuller

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keepmovingforward

Family, Relationships, Thoughts

Living, Loving, Learning & Losing

No Comments 22 December 2014

On May 17, 2001, the worst thing that could have happened, happened in the lives of me and my family. My mom died.

For about the next 10 years, I was in so much pain and I was so scared to love again that I would tell myself that I loved someone but I would never let them get close enough. I meet so many amazing people but there was no chance for anything to happen because I was so broken. I had many moments during those 10 years of grieving where I felt like I was healed but then something would happen and remind me just how broken I was.

In about 2011 I finally was at the point where I felt like I had healed enough to let someone in. But I still didn’t know who I was or where I was going. The three years from 2011-2014 have been the most revealing, beneficial, productive and eye opening in my life. I finally feel in a place where I was before mom died. I finally understand the path I’m on. I know how other people, especially women, need to be treated. I see things as they are and am more choosy about how I spend my time. I have been humbled by the friendship of my best friend, a dog, in Davy Whippet. I have been honoured to realize a few huge dreams and I have committed to having many more dreams and going after them.

I’m reminded by this quote:

It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

However, life isn’t always about being better. It’s about learning, connecting, sharing and doing our best.

Let me submit this revision of the quote:

Life is about loving and losing. That’s inevitable. But we must keep having faith. We must keep loving. We must not give up. We must keep moving forward.

Life isn’t easy. Everyone is dealing with their own thing. But we’re all in this together. As much as we need to worry about our own happiness, let’s try to be aware of how that affects someone else’s. If we don’t feel the same way as someone else or want the same things, be honest about it. It’s impeding our happiness along with theirs.

I’ve hurt far more people in my life than have hurt me. I didn’t always know what my actions meant. I have said words that I thought meant one thing but later on realized they didn’t. I have tried to apologize to anyone I have ever hurt because that was never my intention. I was trying to do the best I could with where I was at and with the information I had at the time. I have changed and grown a lot over the years but it doesn’t change what I’ve done in the past.

As a wise friend recently told me, imagine that everyone has their own emotional bucket. For every positive act, you add a bit to your bucket and to that other person’s bucket. For every negative act, you remove something from their bucket and your own bucket. When our bucket is empty, it doesn’t add to our bucket to take something from someone else’s. And vice versa. So let’s respond to negativity with positivity. Let’s respond to deceit with honesty. And let’s respond to hate with love.

I hope you have a very blessed Merry Christmas with those who are special to you – whether that be family or friends.

I will end this post with my favourite Christmas song, Happy Christmas by John Lennon:

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Movies, Thoughts

Interstellar is a Must See Movie

No Comments 15 November 2014

Not often do I watch a movie that makes me feel sometimes opposite emotions but after watching Interstellar, I can say that it made me cry, laugh, be confused, be inspired, be hopeful and be amazed. Interstellar is easily one of my top 10 movies. Easily. I won’t tell you much about it because honestly I can’t do it justice. It’s worth watching and taking from it what you will based on your own past experiences and knowledge. From reading some sci fi novels, much of the movie made sense to me – especially the parts about space time – but it was everything else that made my mind explode with fascination. The possibilities of mankind and of the universe, which as you’ll see in this movie, are very much tied together. Check out the trailer below and let me know what you thought of it once you’ve had a chance to watch it.

Also, there is a game for Android devices: http://goo.gl/knoaYw.

Check out this great blog post on TED Ed explaining the science behind Interstellar: http://blog.ed.ted.com/2014/11/13/the-science-of-interstellar.

And more science explained through an infographic from Space.com: http://www.space.com/27692-science-of-interstellar-infographic.html.

And if you are an educator, they have lesson plans that link together with the movie to help enhance your classroom’s knowledge of the universe including learning about Morse code, designing their own planet, how far away things are and much more. It’s definitely worth checking out here: https://interstellar.withgoogle.com/for-educators.

audiobooks

Books, Technology, Thoughts

Audio Books Are Great For Road Trips

1 Comment 04 November 2014

This year compared to any other in my life has seen me on the road more than ever. From January 1 – October 1, I was home for a total of about 5 weeks. It was hard being away from home, driving tens of thousands of miles, most of them by myself. When I’m on the road, with my own vehicle, I love listening to my XM satellite radio. BPM, 90’s on 9, AltNation, Faction and Raw Dog Comedy have taken me to many faraway places and provided me many hours of entertainment.

However, sometimes I will tire of music or if I’m in a rental car, I won’t have XM so aside from putting music on my phone or bringing cd’s, what are my options?

Well, about 4 months ago, I starting looking into Audio Books. I’ve avoided buying a Kindle or other ereader (including buying books and reading it on my phone, which is basically a small tablet – Samsung Note 3) because I don’t like reading on a tech device – I still prefer books. Although books aren’t the most convenient when traveling due to space limitations and they take up a lot of shelf space at home (my den has become my frisbee and book room), I cannot read while driving so audio books just made sense.

I checked out a few apps but the clear winner for me was Audible. Not only is it free to join, but every month they give you 1 credit which is good for a free audio book. They regularly run promotions and many of their titles are frequently on sale so if you don’t want to pay full price for a book (or avoid paying entirely, it’s easy to do so).

I wanted to also explore new books and avoid getting the audio book version of books I already owned. In searching around, I stumbled upon Douglas Preston, who is a sci fi author, with a huge collection of titles. I also checked out a new Stephen King book I hadn’t heard of and found out another series by Janet Evanovich, which seems to have potential based on the first book I listened to her.

I have also found that as much as I enjoy a certain author, I also really enjoy a certain narrator. So far, my favourite narrators are Scott SowersDavid Colacci and Scott Brick.

I will be updating this post with all of the books I have currently listened to while on the road (and more recently, listening to while doing cardio) and for the books I really loved, I will be writing individual reviews because let’s face it – a good book ignites your imagination and you can’t put the book down (or in this case, turn the speakers off).

 Completed Books

In My Library

Ben Stiller in a still from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Movies, Thoughts

Must See Movie: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

No Comments 20 June 2014

I first heard about the movie “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” just through some online ads and short teasers on Youtube but I always skipped over them. Then during a flight from Chicago to Calgary in May, I happened to see it under the available movies. I figured why not since I had nothing better to do.

Well, I was blown away. Honestly, this is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Definitely in my top 5. And if I hadn’t been on a plane full of people, I would have loudly sobbed at the end of the movie since it’s one of the best endings I’ve seen.

This movie will make you feel happy, hopeful, light, relaxed and overall just make you smile. Watch it.

martial arts master

Relationships, Thoughts

Love is Like Karate

No Comments 03 March 2014

Why is love like karate?

If you look at how the ranking system works in karate, there are different colours of obis (which is like a belt) which represents the level one has achieved.

The most widely practiced style of karate, shotokan, uses the following ranking system (from Wikipedia):

Level Obi colour
9th kyū orange
8th kyū red
7th kyū yellow
6th kyū green
5th kyū violet
4th kyū violet with
a white stripe
3rd kyū brown
2nd kyū brown with
a white stripe
1st kyū brown with
two white stripes
1st – 10th dan black

Each belt colour represents the level that one can achieve in karate and it represents hard work, dedication and commitment to the art of karate.

We can compare love to karate in this way because one could say that love represents hard work, dedication and commitment between two people.

6 Questions to Ask Before You Tell Someone You Love Them

Obviously there are more elements to love but as a person trying to understand what love might mean, I think this can be a useful analogy.

If you meet someone and they tell you that they love you, think about what level that love might be at. Is it very new? Maybe it’s an orange belt kind of love. Have you been together for a while? Maybe it’s a brown belt kind of love.

I think that once you get to the black belt level kind of love, that is such an advanced level representing the highest level of love – engagement, marriage, a lifelong partnership.

Some people get scared when they hear the “L-word” but in reality, love can represent a whole wide range of levels.

So the next time someone tells you that they love you, think about what colour of belt they’re wearing.

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Movies, Relationships, Thoughts

My Review of the Movie “Into The Wild”

No Comments 02 March 2014

Beautiful.

Sad.

Real.

Haunting.

Inspiring.

Tragic.

The moral of the movie…

Happiness [is] only real when shared.

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Thoughts, World Issues

What Would Chairs Look Like If Our Knees Bent the Other Way?

2 Comments 13 December 2013

Challenge conventional thinking and don’t buy into marketing. Dairy farmers want us to buy more milk so all of their commercials will be about convincing us that dairy milk is good for us. Running shoe companies want to sell more shoes so all of their commercials will be about convincing us about the benefits of their shoes.

But they don’t tell it like it ACTUALLY is. Don’t be a sheep. Think about what you read, what you hear, what you see. Be a smart consumer. Here some some examples of what I’m talking about:

Stop drinking dairy milk. Source: Read The China Study

Most office chairs are terrible for you and it’s better to stand and move around unless you get a proper chair like the
best recliners or realize why sitting for so long is bad for you. Source: Watch
Olympic Weightlifter and Personal Trainer Curtis Howden Talk About Proper Sitting

Stop wearing running shoes with thick soles and instead switch to barefoot shoes. It’s how we were naturally built to run. Source: Read Born to Run; Read/Watch Tim Ferriss Talking about Barefoot

Drugs don’t fix health issues. The idea of a “pill for an ill” needs to stop. Depression can be corrected for many people through nutritional therapy. Many mental disorders exist due to lack of nutrition. Big pharm wants us to believe that we are sick, that are need help when in reality they’re not helping us at all – they’re just making HUGE profits. Source: CCHR; Watch Food Matters

Realize that religion is a business and all of the characters in religious stories are just allegorical representations of the planets and the stars. The characters are used to formulate stories to help guide our lives. But don’t believe for a second that the characters actually existed as we’re told to believe. Source: Watch Zeitgeist

Understand that many of the diseases plaguing our society are in fact preventable through proper nutrition, exercise and stress reduction. Source: Watch Hungry for Change & Food Matters; Read The China Study

If you aren’t about where to start, you can start by watching Penn & Teller: Bullshit! You’ll learn why bottled water, the bible, feng shui, recycling, the end of the world, self help, and many other topics are bullshit. It’s a very thought provoking series that includes discussions on both sides of the issues.

If something seems too good to be true, or we need to be told what to believe, it probably isn’t true. We know less about nutrition today than ever before. People are sicker today than ever before.

Oh, and to answer the initial question “What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?” Quite possibly this:

chairkneesbentotherway

online-dating-apps

Relationships, Thoughts

The 2 Approaches to Dating

1 Comment 21 November 2013

There are 2 approaches to dating – physical and emotional.

There are many ways to meet people today but you can categorize them in 2 ways – online and in real life.

The problem with meeting someone online is that you can get away with saying things you wouldn’t normally say to them in person and also you don’t really know what the person looks like since all you have to go off is whatever pictures that person chooses to share (usually the pictures they feel show their best side, not what they actually look like).

The problem with meeting someone in real life is that, although you can physically tell if you’re attracted to them, it will take longer to get to know them emotionally.

The issue of taking longer to establish an emotional relationship with someone is why many people choose to use online dating. It gives them the ability to talk to multiple people at once, both physically and emotionally filtering through, asking questions and ultimately choosing who they want to meet. At the end of the day, you can’t have a relationship with someone, either physically or emotionally, without meeting them. A virtual relationship could be completely fake if you haven’t met the other person. You can disagree with me on this, but after you meet someone in person, it changes the dynamic of your relationship since you can now put a face to a name.

Let’s get back to the title of this article – the 2 approaches to dating – and frame it mostly within the context of the online dating world, since the majority of people use this as a way to meet a partner.

There are many websites that tout themselves as being used to meet someone to date, to varying degrees. While there are a lesser number of websites that tout themselves as a way to meet a sexual partner, along with having the ability to date, although their initial point of contact is from a sexual perspective.

PlentyofFish, OkCupid, Match, EHarmony, LavaLife, Fetlife (NSFW), AdultFriendFinder (NSFW) are just a few of the sites out there that are available to meet someone.

Except for Fet and AFF, the others claim that they’re more about dating than sex, although at the end of the day, sex is a part of dating.

On those sites, it’s good to get to know someone before meeting. Find out about them. What they do, where they’re from, what matters to them. Talk on the phone with them. Skype with them. Then meet. That’s a good way to establish a base for an emotional relationship. Ultimately, we all will talk to someone on a dating site if we are A) attracted to their photos and B) interested in what they have to say. But, in order to meet will all depend on each person. Sometimes you know right away you’ll get along with someone so you might only talk for a few minutes before meeting. Other times, one person might take a bit more to open up and so it could take a few weeks to meet. However, no matter how you do it, connecting emotionally first is the best way to go if you are looking for a long term relationship. When the sex does happen, both partners will have some emotional connection established and so both (especially the guy) will be less likely to lose interest since he has emotion invested.

However Fet and AFF (and the other dating sites when used that way) make it very easy to meet someone without know much about that person other than what they look like and what their sexual preferences are. But, by starting off having sex with someone, there isn’t much emotion invested. Although this study shows that love can grow from having sex with someone, it also is very easy to lose interest with someone after sex because there isn’t a lot of emotion attached if it happens early.

Sometimes, the more you get to know about them, the less you’ll be interested in pursuing something with them. In that case, probably no sex. But if you start off sleeping with someone right away, there’s also a chance you won’t want to get know more about them either if it’s not good of if you’re just not feeling a strong connection.

This is based on experience, from talking to friends and from reading/watching videos on the subject. I’m not saying go slow but I do think it’s better to wait to have sex until there is a fairly strong emotional connection. Not only will the sex be better but I think there’s a greater chance for success in the relationship this way. If that’s what you’re looking for. If not, have fun!

faith

Thoughts, Videos

Don’t Lose Faith

1 Comment 07 June 2013

I’ve shared the famous speech by Steve Jobs from Stanford’s 2005 Commencement several times and I share it again today because today of all days it seems particularly fitting.

Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

This has been my driver for the past few years has been reinforced recently within myself just how possible it is to truly do what you love.

33f7655

Disc Sports, Thoughts

Happiness Best When Shared…Really?

No Comments 19 February 2013

I think this famous quote, from the movie Into the Wild, is missing the point.

The point of living.

Which, to me, is to find and create meaning. I believe that a life of meaning is a life fulfilled. Life isn’t always about being happy. It’s about doing something you’re passionate about but that doesn’t always mean that you will be happy. If you truly pursue your passion, you can sometimes feel isolated, judged, not supported, alone and like a failure. But if you stick it out, you will be fulfilled. Since watching that movie and from reading blogs and books about life and passion and talent, I’m believing more and more that by following what you love and by realizing your potential, whether you have someone around to share that with or not, it will still be something that you’ve accomplished that noone will ever be able to take away from you.

Too many times in this life we get distracted by stuff that doesn’t really matter – drinking, drugs, tv, watching pro sports and other activities where we are a passive observer. Too many people allow their life to become passive and they’re just an observer in their own lives. Sure, doing that for a day or a week doesn’t impact your life too heavily, but some people have been doing that for months or in many cases, years. What happens then? What do you have to look forward to? What do you have to be proud of? Anyone can achieve something they can be proud of. Whether it’s reading one book a week, going for a 5k walk/run everyday or doing 100 pushups a day, as long as you are consistent, you will create something real that noone can ever take away from  you.

This post is a bit rambly but it’s simple people. Do what you are passionate about. What makes you happy can be the easy way out. The road less traveled is to create something that can be your own. By pursuing your passion.

selfesteem

Thoughts

Clarity of Self

No Comments 30 January 2013

Once you have developed a clarity of self, you can start building the life you want.

Clarity of self doesn’t have to be fully developed however, since even a bit of clarity about who you are and what you want is all it takes.

Once you have this clarity, you will choose to spend time with people who are more your type of person. You won’t just hang out with someone because they want to hang out with you.

You will start having people in your life who are positive influences and will contribute to your life rather than taking away from your life.

I strongly believe that nobody should put someone else ahead of their goals. I believe that your passion and your goals are the most important part in your life – it gives you a sense of meaning – and to put someone ahead of that will only cause you pain and regret over not being able to realize your potential and go after your passion.

I’ve felt my clarity of self becoming stronger the past few years. I felt as though I had lost myself when my mom died in 2001 and I only realized the impact that had on me about 2 years ago, looking back on everything I had gone through.

For me, I felt like it all started to come together once I started to have opportunities being presented to me simply by me doing what I was passionate about and creating my own path.

Being flown to China, being flown to Mexico, competing in disc sports competitions and meeting the legends all would not have been possible if I hadn’t put myself out there, connected with new people and taken risks on more than one occasion.

Do you feel as though you’re searching for your clarity of self? Are you aware of this journey or are you moreso just enjoying the ride?

havingdreams

Disc Sports, Thoughts

Having Dreams is What Makes Life Tolerable

No Comments 18 January 2013

This quote, one of many great ones from the movie Rudy, stands out in my mind because to me it defines what life is all about.

Having a dream to be somebody, to do something or to go somewhere.

What is your dream?

Mine is to challenge myself, to do something I’m passionate about, to inspire others and to be constantly learning. I’m doing that right now through disc sports. You can follow me at http://www.frisbeerob.com.

Are you working at your dream(s)?

About Rob


Rob "Frisbee Rob" McLeod is a motivational speaker and frisbee ambassador living in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. He competes in ultimate, disc golf, dog disc and overall flying disc competitions. Rob currently holds 6 Guinness World Records, 10 World Championships and the Canadian Distance Record.

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