On May 17, 2001, the worst thing that could have happened, happened in the lives of me and my family. My mom died.

For about the next 10 years, I was in so much pain and I was so scared to love again that I would tell myself that I loved someone but I would never let them get close enough. I meet so many amazing people but there was no chance for anything to happen because I was so broken. I had many moments during those 10 years of grieving where I felt like I was healed but then something would happen and remind me just how broken I was.

In about 2011 I finally was at the point where I felt like I had healed enough to let someone in. But I still didn’t know who I was or where I was going. The three years from 2011-2014 have been the most revealing, beneficial, productive and eye opening in my life. I finally feel in a place where I was before mom died. I finally understand the path I’m on. I know how other people, especially women, need to be treated. I see things as they are and am more choosy about how I spend my time. I have been humbled by the friendship of my best friend, a dog, in Davy Whippet. I have been honoured to realize a few huge dreams and I have committed to having many more dreams and going after them.

I’m reminded by this quote:

It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

However, life isn’t always about being better. It’s about learning, connecting, sharing and doing our best.

Let me submit this revision of the quote:

Life is about loving and losing. That’s inevitable. But we must keep having faith. We must keep loving. We must not give up. We must keep moving forward.

Life isn’t easy. Everyone is dealing with their own thing. But we’re all in this together. As much as we need to worry about our own happiness, let’s try to be aware of how that affects someone else’s. If we don’t feel the same way as someone else or want the same things, be honest about it. It’s impeding our happiness along with theirs.

I’ve hurt far more people in my life than have hurt me. I didn’t always know what my actions meant. I have said words that I thought meant one thing but later on realized they didn’t. I have tried to apologize to anyone I have ever hurt because that was never my intention. I was trying to do the best I could with where I was at and with the information I had at the time. I have changed and grown a lot over the years but it doesn’t change what I’ve done in the past.

As a wise friend recently told me, imagine that everyone has their own emotional bucket. For every positive act, you add a bit to your bucket and to that other person’s bucket. For every negative act, you remove something from their bucket and your own bucket. When our bucket is empty, it doesn’t add to our bucket to take something from someone else’s. And vice versa. So let’s respond to negativity with positivity. Let’s respond to deceit with honesty. And let’s respond to hate with love.

I hope you have a very blessed Merry Christmas with those who are special to you – whether that be family or friends.

I will end this post with my favourite Christmas song, Happy Christmas by John Lennon:


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